Many violent relationships follow a common pattern or cycle. The entire cycle may happen in one day or it may take weeks or months. It is different for every relationship. Does the below sound familiar?

Incident

Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)

Tension Building

Aggressor starts to get angry

Abuse may begin

There is a breakdown of communication

Partner feels the need to keep the aggressor calm

Tension becomes too much

Survivor feels like they are 'walking on egg shells'

Making-Up

Aggressor may apologize for abuse

Aggressor may promise it will never happen again

Aggressor may blame partner for causing the abuse

Aggressor may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the partner claims

Calm

Aggressor acts like the abuse never happened

Physical abuse may not be taking place

Promises made during 'making-up' may be met

Survivor may hope that the abuse is over

Aggressor may give gifts to partner

It takes courage to seek help

Cycle of Violence